Is This Bitchy?

I've just realised that I give nicknames to practically everyone I meet. Now that may initially sound sweet but they're not nice monikers. I don't know whether I do it to amuse myself or whether I don't care about their exsistence enough to use their proper names?

Par example:

Sideshow Bob: A man who has often been in my creative writing workshops and literature seminars over the last three years and is far too intelligent for my liking. I take comfort in the fact that he is quite detached from reality because he is a skinny white man from some posh part of Southern England but he has foot long dreadlocks - all these facts combined equals the name Sideshow Bob. Clever, no? Anyway, he ain't never gonna get a job unless it's on the till at a surf and skate shop.

Fisting Boy: An accomplice to Sideshow Bob, he once wrote a metaphorical poem about fisting so he only has himself to blame for this label. He seems nice but I really don't want to know him anymore than I already do, which is not at all. As I once said, "There is a time and a place for fisting and a poetry workshop is not it."

Wanking Boy: We sat next to him once in a lecture and all the way through my pal kept pulling her nose at me and as we left the hall she announced, quite loudly, "Was it just me or did that boy smell of sperm?". Ah, poor wanking boy. He looks like the sort who has many a video file in his computer documents.

That Fat Slag: Not the most original but entirely appropiate when used to describe my next door neighbour.

Jesus Freak: Again, not creative and the only reason she gets called this is because she has one of those fish stickers on her bumper.

Laura: That's her actual name but she is so frickin' creepy we have to pronounce it Laaaaauu-raaaaaaaaa!

Library Twat: This fucker works in the Uni library and acts like it's the most stressful job in the world. He is always bitching about something and when you try to get books out he says stuff like, "God, you don't wanna read that!"

Book Shop Twat: Similar to Library Twat he acts like it's really cool and high pressure to work in the Uni book shop and tries to chat you up in that, "I don't give a shit about you" way which I would actually kinda like if I was trying to start a relationship not buying a fucking book.

Wild Bill: He is a mature student who has a slightly, well, wild aura surrounding him. He can be really rude sometimes, particularly to lecturers but the most exciting thing that happened was when we saw him with one of our tutors in the supermarket, together, buying courgettes!

Creepy Andrew: He is like this albino daddy long legs who seriously freaks me out. No matter where I sit in a room his long limbs manage to touch me. Once he sat right next to me and put his arm round the back of my chair in a seminar! Ugh. He also managed to write 'I suck cock for ten pounds' on my arm in black marker at a party once when my Dad was picking me up the next day.

I think I'll stick to my nicknames, everybody does it, right?