Graduating In Style

Stomach flu style! Un-fucking-believable. The one day I actually needed to look good and I get a colour draining stomach bug. Three years of wandering around like a complete hobo and the one time I'm about to make A LOT of effort I can't even be arsed to straighten my hair or put eyeshadow on because I can't stand up!

The night before graduation I met up with Anneka to go out for a celebratory meal. I didn't feel a hundred percent great on the way there but thought I'd get over it. Once inside the restaurantI became uber sensitive to every smell and decided to eat light. By the time the menu arrived I couldn't even bear reading it although I do remember seeing the phrase saddle of rabbit (ugh).

Then the waitress brought a bowl of olives and plonked them down right next to me, that was it, I pelted it to the bathroom and threw up like I've never thrown up before. Sorry for the details but I want to convey the trauma. I usually never ever get stomach bugs and I absolutely hate being sick - I have the constitution of an ox. My family even makes me taste out of date food to see if it's still remotely edible.

Anyway, after projectile vomiting I thought everyone might do the decent thing and let me return to the B&B but they'd ordered whilst I was in the bathroom. I got told to wait in the lounge, read a paper and sip my mineral water. I was pissed but I thought I could manage for at least half an hour. Oh no.

Ten minutes later I was back in the bathroom and I was pretty sure everyone in the lounge could hear me heaving. When I came out I felt like making some announcement to them all about it not being the restaurant food at fault. I didn't, instead I staggered into the main section to tell everyone I was getting a taxi home because I was making a scene. Maybe the other diners liked the entertainment but I did not. Mum followed me out with her car keys in hand but before we made it to the carpark I was sick again near a flowerpot. Sorry about that, restaraunt folks. I was then sick again in some bushes near the car as a mini bus full of people pulled in. Nice. Mum finally sat me in the car, wrapped me in a blanket and then said the mains were coming so just wait here and if I needed to be sick again there were some perfectly good shrubs around. Fine I thought, it's prehaps a little inconsiderate but I guessed they've ordered now so they might as well eat it.

Sometime later, (I was now in the delirious stage and had started a conversation with a nearby sparrow), Anneka arrived. She said everyone else was just finishing up, except by finishing up she meant ORDERING FUCKING DESSERT! Hello? I've just heaved up half my body weight around the restaurant grounds and you people are sat waiting for your sorbet?

We eventually left the frickin restaurant of doom and on the way home I started to sing songs from Dumbo.

In the morning I felt like I'd been mugged by hoodlums with a crowbar. My whole body ached. The actual graduation was pretty uneventful although I'm mighty please with myself that I managed to sit through it all. Maybe something did happen and I didn't even notice because I was kinda swaying between full conciousness and delrium. I got up for my name though which was another achievement.

Here is a picture of me coming off the stage. It's the only decent one from the digital camera because you may notice the rather large gentlemen in front of me, well, he blocked me out of all the other shots. Thanks. Sorry, it's dark too. You weren't allowed to use flash. Complete token pic.

Anyway, this post is dedicated to my Anneka. As she sat in the car with me as other people ate dessert she said how this would be funny when posted up at Gin Harpy. She was right. And congratulations to us for getting our damn degrees, even though we still don't actually have them. We worked h...well, we worked for it and more importantly we drank for it.