The Dog Ate My Stress Ball
You know what's weird? When someone on the internet manages to aggreviate you more than anyone you've ever met in real life. Skill.
And sorry to interupt the holiday ancedotes but...my Mum made me go to John Lewis today. I hate shopping at the moment because a) I have no money and b) summer stuff is still out when I've been on holiday and just looking at bikinis depresses me. PLUS, we didn't even need to go as I shall now explain.
We've been invited to a wedding the happy damn couple sent us a gift list, all available ONLINE from John Lewis. I explained that all we had to do was look at the list, tick which little box we wanted to buy them and click 'order'. Mother dearest didn't seem to understand that the good people at John Lewis would then recieve this order, get the item, put it in a box and then deliver it to the happy damn couple along with everyone else's gift from the list.
To trick me into the car she said let's just get them a gift voucher instead. What? They don't want vouchers, they want whats on the fucking list but WHATEVER! Let's waste our Sunday in amongst the throngs of shoppers in which someone will undoubtedly piss me off by stepping on my foot or shoving into me or just by looking at me wrong. I didn't even go into the fact that you could also get gift vouchers online too.
When we got there, oh, Mum wasn't getting gift vouchers at all! She wanted to take a look at ALL the stuff on the list because she is the nosiest person in ENGLAND. What does it matter what the stuff fucking looks like? I was already pretty highly strung but now I could see me seriously blowing a gasket...which I did. I announced loudly in the little gift list section of the store that my mother was wasting my time and it was irrelevant what she thought of the gifts because if that's what the couple wanted then what business was it of hers? She ignored me and continued with the stupid 'press-the-screen-to-get-a-paper-version-slung-at-you-of-the-list-that-you've-already-seen-online-so-thanks-for-killing-the-enviroment-with-your-petty-need-to-get-all-up-in-other-peoples-lives' machine, which as I suspected, she needed my help to work. I might have broken the screen cos I didn't exactly 'press gently'.
When Mum had the list she said, 'Let's go and find this vase and see if I like it'. AAAAH! I'm not searching around a bloody four storey shop for one fucking vase just so YOU can decide if YOU like it. THEY want it so just buy it for them ONLINE AT HOME! I also like to give a shout out to John Lewis at this point for helpfully not giving any of their products cute names so they can be easily identified but instead calling them things like 'Medium Sized Wooden Vase 5274811524' and 'Set of 6 tumblers 55687892789477262922451'. Fuck you very much.
So we eventually found the stupid fucking vase that wasn't even that nice. Mum picked it up to examine it (which she should really stop doing because the amount of things she has fucking broken because she drops them when twiddling them around to inspect them from all angles). It was at this point I noticed that on the list it said 'Quanity: 2'. They wanted 2 shitty vases. I said this to Mum and she said, 'Well at £40, I'm only buying one'. 'Yeah, but they want two'. 'Someone else can buy the other one'. 'And what if someone else doesn't buy it?'. 'Well, then that's their problem', 'Oh, nice, Mum. I don't think you quite understand gift list etiquette. I think you're supposed to buy the set. It says here they want six table mats. Should we just get them one and let someone else worry about the other five? Oh, look, bookends! Let's just get them one of those too!'. 'I don't even like this vase', she said and walked off only to buy them gift vouchers.
I cheered myself up/calmed myself down by trying on really nice dresses I couldn't afford. Coast, you bitches! I also alarmed myself by trying on a jacket that was a UK size 4, (US size 2) only to find it fitted perfectly. I was kind of hoping I'd get stuck in it and then Mum would have to buy it and I'd feel like I'd got my revenge. It's was £500, that would have been sweet.
13 comments:
Do I feel some irritation in this post? Hope the rest of your day is better :)
All i can say here is.. i know the feeling
Sounds all too familiar my dear!
Fancy fitting into a size UK4!! Lucky biarch ;)
:P
Size 4 - you are probably shrinking in your old age!
The whole wedding list online ordering is a saving grace. I actually like shopping, but if someone has actually said "I want this", and there is now a device in the corner of the room where I can order it without putting on any clothes - then hell, I'm gonna use it.
I've never even heard of John Lewis, I don't think. I'm not a very good international person. I feel your frustration though. I'm confused about this US/UK size difference...it's probably b/c all Americans are fat, isn't it?
size 4 WTF???
My mum did the same thing same story. John Lewis, wedding gift list online. I know lets go and buy some place mats.
girl after my own heart. like the thinking, with the jacket..
I'm confused about this US/UK size difference
European is even worse - they make you things like size 39! I think the US size is always 2 down from UK. Even though, there is no way I should be fitting in size 4 clothes, I'm usually a size 8 or 10.
John Lewis is an expensive department store chain, like erm, I can't think of an American equivalent. It's a little more upmarket than Marks & Spencer but it ain't Harrods.
It still makes you either a midget or a child.
It's official - I hate you. I've managed to put on about a stone since I left uni. Probably because all I do is lie in bed with Ben and Jerry and cry because I have no job or prospects. And I don't have the money for lipo.
I think I only lost weight because I was walking everywhere plus it was so friggin hot. I did eat three massive meals a day and plentiful ice cream stops so I thought I'd go up.
I think the stress of having no job and whiny parents helps too.
John Lewis isn't expensive.. it just doesn't sell cheap crap like a lot of shops do. It works more on value for money than price alone.
Oh and it's actually acceptable Gift List ettiquette to only buy part of a set/pair/whatever - if someone else doesn't buy the other one, they can take gift vouchers to the value of the odd items insteead.
Where did you find it? Interesting read »
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