I'm Off To The Gym Tonight
Yes. You read it here first.
I figure a gin harpy must have the legs of a thoroughbred racehorse and the abs of Marky Mark. This is mainly in preparation for my summer holiday in Italy in which I plan to be fabulous and not at all tourist like so I can bag myself an Italian stallion. What could possibly go wrong?
Let's start with the gym - I rang them up this morning and the conversation went like this:
Man: Hello (inaudible mumble)
Me: Sorry is this Brook's Gym?
Man: What?
Me: Is this the gym?
Man: Oh, you'll want to speak to Sarah. I'll get her to ring you.
PAUSE
Me: Do you want my number?
Man: Oh, yeah...
Me: (gives number). I was told there was an induction tonight at 5.30pm?
Man: I dunno...
Me: My friend is booked in for it.
Man: What's your friends name?
Me: (why the fuck is that relevant?) (give friends name)
Man: Yeah, Sarah deals with it. Are you going to become a member? It's £35 for the induction and then £2 everytime after that.
Me: I was told it was £8 for the induction and then £3 after that?
Man: Yeah, you can do it that way. (WTF?)
Me: Okay, thanks. Bye.
Man: Ta-ra!
Three minutes later....
RING RING
Me: Hello
Man: Hi, it's me...(???). I've booked you down for that induction tonight. It's £8.
Me: Right, thanks.
I do not have high hopes. Last time I went to a gym I spent a hour cycling on one of those bikes with the saddle too high and it was really painful when I eventually fell off. Plus I went with my friend who was totally over the top about the whole thing, like, I'm setting it on Mountain!
Maybe I'll just drink water and knock back caffeine pills for six weeks.
16 comments:
I can’t believe you even picked the phone up. The only time I’ve been in a gym was to take an exam. That was in Brookes gym my former uni, they used to have end of term exams in the gym hall. Never did I step foot into the weights room or any other room that made you sweat! So that’s why I don’t have abs of steal! I am currently rectifying this problem by no eating ever again!
From the pictures you posted before you have a figure to die for and the looks. Maybe you should be a Lateral Thigh Trainer?? That way you can stay at how watching DVDs of Jake and get a workout at the same time! Or meet him in person and get a personal workout!
So what are well all going to do when you are on holiday?? No Jake Watch? Hope you are taking your laptop with you!
A lateral thigh trainer? I do have one of those big inflatable balls you wobble around on.
Prophecy Girl is going to take over for the two weeks I'm away. I owe her big time!
I've tried the gym twice, and i ended up each time cursing those walking muscles who call themselves trainers. You can see diferences looking at your body one week later, but you're about to have a breakdown. And why bother?
I got the same results by not eating sweets and bread and jumping around and running for the bus.Oh,and the ugliest one..not drinking beer and Coke. Yeah,it hurt.
Gone for two weeks,huh?..what if Jake comes in and asks about you?how are we gonna track you down? Maybe he'll want to apologise for the Eva's boobs thing.Oh,give the guy a chance!
Hey if you or rather Prophecy Girl need some more help then I would be happy to do some extra staking!
Good luck with the gym tonight, nope you have that flask of gin with you, in case of an emergency!
To go to the gym is so boring thats why I don't go anymore. Once upon a time I belived in training and I still do. It's just on hold for a while :)
Are you planning to go for the designer sweat patches?
It's a good look. I normally like to wear a moustache and a gold chain around my neck - along with the artificial sweat.
As a man you have to walk around with your chest pushed out, nodding your head backwards at any guy that makes eye contact with you.
Matt.
p.s. I have abs of steel due to an accident that I had with a frying pan.
The gym? That's just plain crazy-talk! Listen, exercise never did ANYONE any good. The only exercise I ever get is lifting my drink to my lips!
Altho...if there are any good looking men there, you might score!
Just remember to breath and traveleate it. Besides, all that lying in bed, drinking gin and eating biscuits has given you the body of a goddess. And the liver of the man who set his hair on fire in Merthyr. Where I have incidently, just applied for a job.
TRAVELATE IT!
I just got back from the gym and it was lovely.
The machines have so many buttons on them - it told me how many calories I was loosing as I did it - 12! Go me!
On the way out the man from the phone tried to sell me protein powder for woman called 'Prom', WTF? But apart from that it went well. And I had trouble parking my car in the retarded car park but that was mainly my own fault.
Too exhausted to go out tonight, now. Watch Big Brother instead me thinks!
That's so weird..... That's kind of freaky too. Be careful!
my husband's been forcing me to go to the gym lately. It's been making me contemplate divorce.*
*Not really, but if I were so inclined this is something I'd bring up in divorce proceedings. "Your Honor, he made me go to the gym!!!"
I honestly, truly, don't know why that isn't a reason on divorce papers - "adultery, drug abuse, forced gym-attendance". I mean I'd consider taking a guy back if he cheated on me (and he was hot) but if he made me go to the gym, no way Jose.
((sigh))
Whatever happened to the good old days of girdles and eating disorders?
God, it's like everything is so HARD these days!
;)
Hey, I've been outed! nrm, I'm counting on you. I'm sure I'm going to need all the help I can get.
Ha ha! Great gym story, britpop. That's highly amibitious of you to start an exercise regiment. I wish I had that sort of will power. In ninth grade gym class, we had to lift weights and the experience was so scarring I haven't worked out in a gym since (I'm a bit on the noodle-arm side). Sometimes I run, but I never get very far before collapsing on the sidewalk. Hey, you should do a before and after thing, and make the rest of us REALLY feel like slackers. :)
I walk on the treadmill 45 mins a day 6 days a week. I have pics of Jake on the mag rack and chase them, haven't caught him yet but my glutes are getting tight!
Then I can drink more later at night.
Bru
I've never been to a gym so good on ya Britpop! I can boast a sports injury tho-fractured my finger when half heartedly playing basketball at school with some mean boys!
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